Big, But Beautiful – My Most Embarrassing Travel Story

“Big girl. Big, but beautiful!”

A tiny, Vietnamese women grinned up at me, repeating herself & nodding vigorously as I stood; hot, sweaty, and absolutely mortified in the center of a crowded Vietnamese night market.

My face flushed with embarrassment as I profusely sweated through my shirt and felt another bead of sweat collect on the wet moustache forming on my upper lip. I stood pants-less behind a chest-high, make-shift curtain observing what seemed like half the population of the Mekong Delta, gathering to watch me, a large, white falang, try on jean shorts.

At 23 years old in quite-possibly the peak of my physical beauty, I felt like the ugliest person on the planet.

…

This predicament started innocently enough with the intent to purchase a new pair of shorts on my months-long Southeast Asia backpacking trip. My boyfriend, Travis, and I wandered through the organized chaos of the Can Tho night market exploring the various and vibrant stalls filled with dried fish, paper lanterns, exotic-looking fruits, and colorful textiles. Between a woman selling traditional conical hats and a display of hand-embroidered pillowcases, I spotted a table piled high with jean shorts of various styles and sizes. Without hesitation, I made a beeline for the tent.

I began sifting through the mountain of shorts, picking out the ones that looked like they would fit around my traditionally small 26-inch waist. Mid-search, I noticed the size smalls looked alarmingly small and added a few mediums to the mix – just in case.

As I perused, the petite shop-owner appeared at my side and jerked the pile of clothing from my arms, placing it back on the table. “Too small!” she lectured, rummaging through the never-ending mass to extract shorts in size large or extra-large and load them into my empty arms.

Once equipped with an updated armful of clothing, the saleswoman gestured for me to enter a makeshift changing room that comprised of a sun-faded tarp pinned to the corner of the tent. Before following, I stubbornly grabbed a size small and medium from the assortment.

…

After three months traveling through Southeast Asia, my ego and sense of beauty were suffering. Spending weeks on end surrounded by petite, beautiful Asian women, I constantly felt gigantic, pasty, and wholeheartedly unattractive in comparison – a feeling I had never, ever experienced in the West. My German heritage in conjunction with my small waist, long hair, and big brown eyes usually landed me in the “pretty” category by most accounts.

Attempting to save my pride, I tried on the size small first; it wouldn’t fit past my knees. Yikes. The medium met resistance at my thighs. Ugh. The large actually made it to my hips but remained inches away from buttoning. The XL? Still too small to fasten around my gargantuan western body.

Humiliated, I looked around at the groups of beautiful Vietnamese women shopping in the tent. I admired their thin frames and bright smiles – they all looked so effortlessly beautiful (and not sweaty whatsoever). Wearing an unbuttonable, extra-large pair of shorts, I began to feel equal parts defeated and embarrassed. A towering giant amongst dainty Asian princesses.

…

At this point, my impatient but well-intentioned boyfriend, Travis, loudly inquired “How do they fit?” drawing the entire tent’s attention to my sweaty, floating head behind the tarp in the corner.

My friendly, also well-intentioned, saleslady appeared at my side again to ask which pair I would purchase. I ashamedly shook my head, declining her offer which evoked visible offence and confusion. Without warning, she yanked back the curtain to reveal the shorts cutting off the circulation in my thighs.

Her face instantly transformed from an expression of defiance to one of sympathy before she smiled again, exclaiming “Big Girl!” for the whole tent to hear. I felt absolutely mortified as the attention of the entire tent turned to stare at me. It suddenly felt 20 degrees hotter.

…

The saleswomen scurried to the other side of the tent and searched through unopened packages. She spent an eternity digging through multiple boxes, apparently not finding a big enough size, before holding up a pair of shorts in victory and rushing back.

She beamed up at me as she enthusiastically presented a new pair of XXL shorts with a never-ending grin: “Big girl! Big, but beautiful!” she triumphantly declared.

To my right, Travis erupted with uncontrollable laughter. I saw actual tears streaming from his eyes. Around him, an uncomfortably large crowd of Vietnamese women had gathered to watch me, the star attraction, try on jean shorts.

…

As I accepted and tried on the XXL, my saleslady assumed the role of my personal champion. She continued to repeat, reassure, and broadcast “big, but beautiful!”, “beautiful big girl!” as the crowd gawked in my direction.

Hot, sweaty, and thoroughly embarrassed, I wanted to flee from the tent and catch the next flight out of Vietnam. Trapped behind the tarp and surrounded by an ever-growing crowd of Vietnamese goddesses, I didn’t see any means of escape.

I tried on the XXL and discovered that it fit perfectly. My body-positivity champion exclaimed one last time to the crowd a celebratory “Big! But Beautiful!!!” At that moment, everyone in the tent shared in my relief and happiness with genuine smiles and enthusiastic cheers.

Travis gasped for air as he continued to laugh through the whole situation. After seven years together, even he couldn’t keep it together to defend the little pride I had left. This situation was bizarre – how could I blame him? I felt too exhausted and humiliated to do anything except hand the woman 80,000 dong – roughly $4.00 – for my new pair of XXL jean shorts and leave the tent with whatever was left of my dignity.

…

A few days later, after the mortification of the events had worn off, I discovered a tiny external tag on the back pocket, where a brand logo would usually go, with a big, bold “XXL”. That tag represented the epitome of my night market experience:

This is me – the big, but beautiful, backpacker in Southeast Asia.